I think there are essentially 3 types of bad/stressful situations that confront you in life. 1) Something that happens to you that no one (neither you nor someone else) really has much control over (health issues, death of a loved one, natural disaster), 2) Something that is the result of a decision/action of someone else (layoff, victim of a crime, someone emotionally hurting you), 3) Something that is a result of a decision or mistake you made (driving in a car accident where someone dies, deciding to quit your job, failing at an endeavor, hurting someone through selfishness/greed/pride/or any other sin).
Which one is the worst option? Personally, I think the worst one is number 3. If someone else is the cause of my pain, or if it's just an "act of God," I think I have a somewhat easier time accepting it. Not that I'm happy about it or not emotionally torn up or anything. For example, I'm capable of being pretty unhappy about things that happen to me - like health issues, and I also have a strong tendency to hold a grudge when I feel someone has wronged me (which hopefully I'm getting better at avoiding...). But when the stress or unhappiness is because of something I myself did or a path I chose or a mistake I made, the effect on me is all at a different level. It can eat me up inside. And why is that? I think maybe it's because whereas if it wasn't my "fault," I might try to move towards acceptance because I didn't have any control over it. But if it was because of me, I want to find a way to fix my mistake or get back on the right track (hmm, or maybe even punish myself), so I'm stuck constantly ruminating about what I should do about it now or what direction to go or how to redeem myself. Not to mention I have always had an overactive conscience, so I have the ability to feel guilty super easily, and it's of course much easier to feel guilty about something I've done (or failed to do) rather than about something someone else has done. So when my brain is giving me a break from thinking about how to fix something, then it's probably filling itself with guilty feelings. Great.
What's interesting is I had been thinking about and pondering this lately when I, just the other day, overheard a conversation where some people were discussing this issue. They decided that it would be better to be the one who made the decision (in this case, an employment decision) that led to stress rather than having it just happen to you because then at least you would know it was your choice. I didn't chime into that conversation, but it made me realize that maybe everyone doesn't view life problems in the same way. I think if I was going to be jobless and unhappy about it, I'd rather that it was someone else's decision, not my own. If it was my decision, I'd probably second guess myself after it was over and wonder if I should go beg for my job back and I'd be paralyzed as to what to do next. But if someone else made the decision, then I would just accept that it was done. Sure I'd be sad and scared, but it would be easier to move on and go find a new job.
So why the difference of opinion? Is it a personality correlation? Like those who like to be in control would rather have #3 happen and would dread #s 1 & 2. Those who like to play by the rules and want others to play by the rules too might prefer #1. Those who don't want to have the control or the final authority on things might say #3 is the worst. Those who are good at getting over things and forgiving themselves and others might not have a preference. I'm not sure. All I know is that I really hate #3. And maybe I should spend some time ruminating about why that is and look for ways to start moving away from that extreme side of the spectrum more towards the "let it be" mindset. Easier said than done...
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